Thursday, April 3, 2008

Yuppie Bars

Apparently somebody started a rumor years that if you put aerobars on your bike, any bike, then you not only become faster and cooler but you can also ride the STP on your Novara hybrid...with your aerobars, finish in a respectable time and be nice and comfy because you have a million hand positions.
Fucking yuppies.

Aerobars have been my nemesis the last few days. It seems with spring on the cusp, all the yuppies are donning their tights, balaclavas, full fingered gloves, and obnoxious "safety yellow" windbreakers in an attempt to "brave" the 55 degree weather in an early season training ride. Full carbon Italian race bikes, steel touring bikes, aluminum hybrids purchased at REI all donning those fucking cheesy aerobars. Cadence, calories and Campy have been the subjects of chatter amongst the ranks of the yuppie charity riders and wannabe racers with more money than skill.

As I bummed around "downtown" Puyallup, searching for traffic to play in, I spied a pair of said aerobar using yuppies. So I quietly took chase. I watched as the pair of men weaved all over the road in a debate on where to stop as the traffic light turned red. Apparently, they had a split descision because one guy stuck to the left side of the lane as the other wobbled his aerobar equipped ride between a car and the curb. Dr. Aerobar slowed and was attempting a shaky trackstand as I pulled up behind him. I think Dr. Aerobar's eyes were fixed on the aerobar itself because he kept creeping forward as if he were chasing the thing.

When the light turned green, I let Dr. Aerobar and his pal pull me for a block or so. After I realized that 15 MPH was the terminal speed for an aerobar, I turned up the Metallica (the Cliff Burton years) on the iPod, dropped the hammer on the full fendered and mudflapped fixie and let the guys know I was coming up on the left.

That was the last I saw of Dr. Aerobar...
Maybe I'll see them at a charity ride this season. Who knows?

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